Dating An Older Man

Real talk…Ok so it doesn’t have to be “the older the better” rule, what I am suggesting however, is that dating someone a little older than you could be the best thing you ever do with your life.

This post is focussed on my own experiences in dating and relationships. It’s my views on how I find that matching maturity levels matters (obvs it’s weird if a 30-40 year old is dating a teenager, who is clearly not that mature and at a different stage in life), but if you’re mature for your twenties, someone who is secure in their sense of self then dating someone older is totally fine.

The key thing is about being in control, and holding your own in a relationship, if you can do that, then age doesn’t matter so much.

Growing up I always seemed to be attracted to older men, men who were closer to my dad’s age than my own (some might frown at this) but I think as girls and women we mature a lot quicker, we grow up fast too when faced with certain social or family situations that help mould who we are, our opinions and inner feelings and desires. I was this girl, the one who was mature, ahead of her years, as many people have told me “a wise head on young shoulders”. I was always surrounded by older people growing up, my friends were always years older than me and having parents as young, wild and open as mine are, definitely helped shape me as a young lady who knows what she wants (I know they’ll agree here haha).

Just going to pause here before we get to the juice to remind you all that I am engaged to be married, I am extremely happy and he is 18 years older than me. My grandparents also had an 18 year age gap and my mums first ever relationship (before my amazing Papa bear) was with a man 20 years older than her, maybe this “older man” thing runs in our family after all (lol). Anyway, aside from the history of dating in my family, let’s talk about the pros of dating someone older in age…

If you’re similar to me, you’re committed, driven and motivated, you have always had your ducks in a row, you know how to hold yourself, you know what you want and how to get it and know exactly what you want from life, I’d say you’ve got your shit together! Now, when a girl in her twenties has their shit together, a guy in his more than likely does NOT. Instead, he wants to go out on the lash every weekend indulging in drink, possibly even drugs and having a wild time being all YOLO about his life… meanwhile you’re a bit over that, you’re at the stage where you want to be wined and dined, have a late night cocktail at your local on the way, stare at each other, knowing the second you get home it’s game on! Does this scenario sound familiar to you? (I am not surprised if it does).

Disclaimer: This is not an insult on young men or any men for that matter, this is written from my own experiences of being a serial dater!

This is not to say that a man who is older will have his shit together and be Mr Perfect, but the chances of them being on a similar wavelength to you is higher (in my opinion). I have always been a woman who likes to be treated, I live for the traditional dating ways, where on a date a man would get the bill, I would always offer (I am not a tight ass), but as my Papa taught me, a man should treat you like a lady at all times, is it too much to ask for the door to be held open for me? Or my chair to be pulled out? These “traditions” are usually more likely to happen in the older man… Is there any shame in saying as a woman I like to be looked after, I like my man to be a man, not a boy, a man who cares, knows what’s what in life, knows the values of treating someone with respect and maturity. Ahh…maturity, again sitting across the table from a guy who is intellectual to an extent, able to hold a conversation, has some “life experience” and bring out the best in you during the conversation is key for me, and I bet it would be you too? Is there anything worse than sitting opposite a lads lad, who has necked 3 beers before you even got there? (I’m walking straight back out). This goes back to my earlier statement about maturity levels being on par with one another.

To me, a guy with ambition is the hottest thing, maybe because I have bundles of it myself, that I know I need someone who also wants to build a motherf***ing empire with me. Experience has taught me, it’s much nicer working with someone to build something together than being on two different paths, eventually it catches up with you and you soon realise that actually you just operate like two single people that coexist together, that are comfortable with one another but don’t actually bring all that much to grow as a life long partnership. A sad reality in some cases, one I have experienced myself and I am sure some reading this will have felt also. Does this go back to maturity matching up too? Maybe there is an underlying current here that for a relationship to work, without being age specific now, it boils down to two people’s levels of maturity tallying up.

There is a quote I have always loved: “I know what I bring to the table and I am not afraid to eat alone”. Something I have always thought when it comes to dating and sitting on a date thinking “Wow, we really have no common ground, nice enough guy, but not the one for me”.

So if any of the above resonates with you, maybe hit that age toggle up a notch on those apps and see what you find.

This is a personal account of my experience, written because of the questions put to me about my relationship with my older man on social media. I am aware that dating older men is not for everyone, but we are all entitled to our own opinions, quirks and choices in life. Please remember that you are in control of who you choose to date and be safe doing it!

That’s all.

Alex x